01.06.2010 11 °C
It is a weirdly gloomy June day in London.
I wonder if you can really stare at the raindrops forming themselves on the window glass and evaporating one by one and the gray, overcast sky and relate the whole scenery to June weather.
I simply feel unmotivated in this kind of weather. I am happy to resort to my hibernating mode. Even if I were to physically decay on a day like this, I guess it would not make much of a difference. I guess I have got SAD. It has been raining persistently since morning, so basically for more than 6 hours now. I dont know about before that, I was not up then.
But the BBC weather says its gonna be wickedly sunny tomorrow (no, they dont actually phrase it that way). And my final exam is coming the day after tomorrow. I cant wait to finish it and to see how different it will be to go a day without worrying about unfinished readings about the British imperial shits. I have forgotten how it feels to be under no obligation.
Talking about obligation. It is quite depressing really because we simply can never escape obligations most of which, sadly, are imposed on our lives by ourselves. Obligation to do well in exams, obligation to finish what you started, obligation to be nice to people even when you are in foul mood because, well, they did nothing to cause that mood in you, obligation to always take the greater part of the agony in an angry situation. But wait, who says I have to fall under a certain category? I dont really know if I belong to the "conventional mob", but then I guess I dont really even care. I just want to live my life, say what I want, do what I want?
What if that way of living turns me into a super self-centered person?
What if that way of living would hurt the people I love and the people who love me?
But then does it mean that they only love the person they want me to be, not myself?
Ahh, fuck it, after this exam shit, I am gonna be back to my awesome self.
Obligation to motivate yourself when you are feeling down.
Obligation to cling onto life without a clue about why you have to do so.
Ahh but I dont wanna commit suicide. Not today. I still want to see the sun tomorrow. And finish the exam on Thursday.
Now Im gonna get back to work.
Here is some fortune-telling to cheer up the sun lover in me.